Square one...

Well... It does not make for a very good weight loss blog if weight loss is in fact not what is going on...
I am almost back at square one in my weight loss journey. I have officially gained back all but 1 1/2 pounds of what I had lost back in November. Crap....

So.. because of this I am going to refocus.. I am looking at what I want to do and why I want to do it!

What I want to do..
*I want to not be the fat girl anymore!

*I want to feel beautiful. My husband tells me I am beautiful, but I do not feel it because of my body.. it feels like I just have a permanent fat suit on.. I never feel like I look good in anything and that is craptastic..

*I am always looking for a new adventure, so being of a healthy weight and "normal size" would be quite new for me!! I have always been the fat girl..

*I want to prove that I can do this! I want to prove to MYSELF that I can do it. I have failed so many times before.. and I want to prove that I can stick to a healthy lifestyle. Brownies are NOT going to defeat me this time!!!!!!

*I want to be healthy. I want to be able to go up steps without being winded. I want to not hurt all the time because I am out of shape and my muscles don't do what they are supposed to be able to do.. I am a nurse, and because I am out of shape, I am at a greater risk of getting hurt! I plan on being a nurse for about 45 more years so my body has to hold out!!!

*I want to enjoy being young!! I am 26 years old. I want to feel 26! Somedays I feel like I am 46 because I am not physically able to do everything that I want to do. Ick..

*I want to be healthy for when I have kids! I am married now.. and who knows when a children is going to come into the picture for me and Cory. I need to get myself healthy so that when I do get pregnant I give our little one a good start to life!

So.. How to accomplish this???

Well.. what has actually worked for me in the past is Sparkpeople. I was ROCKING it back in November.. but then came Thanksgiving.. and then came Christmas... I got so darn off track.. but I am going to get back into it!! NOW!!

*I am going to track EVERYTHING I eat.. even if it is not good.. No one actually looks at my tracking stats so I am just lying to myself if I don't count something.. and what good is that doing? I know what I did!!

*I am going to exercise for at least 10 minutes a day.. EVERYDAY.. even if I don't want to.. Even if its in the middle of 2 12 hour shifts. I can do 10 minutes if it kills me!!! It doesn't have to be hard.. just 10 minutes of activity.. IT CAN BE DONE!!

*I am going to drink more water!! I am pretty good most of the time when I am working.. but at home I am not at all good at getting the hydration I need.

*I am going to reward myself for accomplishments. When I lose 10 pounds I am going to get a new hairstyle. I am excited to set these up for myself.

I am going to keep journaling about how things are going also.. it helps me to get my thoughts out in writing.. I know nobody really reads this blog.. but it is helpful to have somewhere to write this down!!

Well.. to starting over! Wish me luck!!